I have known for a very long time (decades) that I have been caught up in a loop of the same fear thought…always playing in the background – over and over. I felt like I was wearing a heavy cloak of shame with this worry. I pondered, fretted, shared with the occasional friend, woke up in the night and chewed on it…but never, ever experienced relief.
For some reason, all those years ago, this fear hooked in to a part of me. It felt horribly uncomfortable, but rather than have compassion – I judged – harshly judged myself. And with every judgement, that thought seemed to take a stronger hold! With no resolution ever occurring, I went into some kind of denial limbo, trying to numb or outrun this feeling. To no avail. I had many years of this same, dull, aching, sinking feeling.
And then it happened! My fear was about to come true and there we were – face to face. And the most unexpected thing happened…I felt immense compassion. Writer Elizabeth Gilbert describes it so very succinctly in her book Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear:
“I figured out that my fear had no variety to it, no depth, no substance, no texture. I noticed that my fear never changed, never delighted, never offered a surprise twist or an unexpected ending.”
“Argue for your limitations and you get to keep them”
I am so surprised and relieved to tell you that this feeling of compassion has stuck with me! It is curious and it is wonderful. I feel like an immense space has opened up. I see myself and others with different eyes – not clouded in my defensive stance. Elizabeth goes on to sum it up perfectly:
“Your life is short and rare and amazing and miraculous, and you want to do really interesting things and make really interesting things while you’re still here. I know that’s what you want for yourself, because that’s what I want too. It’s what we all want. And you have treasures hidden within you – extraordinary treasures – and so do I, and so does everyone around us.
And bringing those treasures to light takes work and faith and focus and courage and hours of devotion, and the clock is ticking, and the world is spinning, and we simply do not have time anymore to think so small.”
I have so many things I have dreamed of doing – create, experience, fulfill. With this huge boulder of fear gone, I realize that I’ve made space for energy and awesome creativity to flow! Fear has been replaced with a feeling of exhilaration. I’m ready for new adventures and ventures! It’s time to begin!
I think I’ll start by reading Elizabeth’s book again.
https://www.elizabethgilbert.com
Catherine Munro is the Chief of Staff and Joy Facilitator at Change My Life Coaching. Catherine’s role as Chief of Staff is to give Executive Support to our CEO and COO. She is the go-to resource for the senior team to lead key corporate initiatives and to get special projects done which promote and support our corporate goals, mission and vision, as well as managing the day-to-day of the executive office. Catherine’s role as Joy Facilitator is to lead, support and articulate the culture of Change My Life Coaching and to be there for our clients, from their first initial contact and as they move through their coaching journey. You can reach her at [email protected]
