“Follow Your Dreams… Are You Sure?” Brief Summary of Show:
Do you want to be a business owner or entrepreneur? Do you want to follow your dreams? Coaches Christopher Lawrence, and Kyle Kalloo discuss being business owners, entrepreneurs, following their dreams, finding fulfillment in their lives and careers and how to set goals in order to achieve your dreams!
Calls to Action:
Tell us your “inspired stories” stories by visiting www.InspiredActionPodcast.ca
Christopher Lawrence LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/career-life-coach-christopher-lawrence/
Kyle Kalloo LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kyle-kalloo/
Change My Life Coaching & Strategic Leader LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/6446498/admin/
Change My Life Coaching: https://www.changemylifecoaching.ca
Strategic Leader: https://strategicleader.ca
Dr. Gail Matthews Goals Research Summary: https://www.dominican.edu/sites/default/files/2020-02/gailmatthews-harvard-goals-researchsummary.pdf
“Follow Your Dreams… Are You Sure?” Transcript:
Following your dream is not as easy as it sounds. And I think that stands for most things. However, I would say it actually is downright hard.
[Narrator] Is the thought of being imperfect, keeping you from taking action? Welcome to “Inspired Action for Imperfect Humans”. Each week, we give you real life stories and thought-provoking research that inspires your soul to live a more fulfilled life, through your own actions. From the heart of Calgary, Canada, here are your hosts, award-winning coaches, Christopher Lawrence and Kyle Kalloo.
[Kyle] Well, here we have it, another week of excitement, another week of excitement for the podcast. And for those who are not watching, Christopher, once again is making faces. ‘Cause that’s what an adult child does.
[Christopher] No, I’m just looking at- like, I’m tired. Life is hard right now and it looks like these- look at this disgusting bags under my eyes, what?
That’s what you get when you’re following your dreams. That’s what happens when you follow your dreams. Right?
I was always told that- I hate colloquialisms like this, that people just say, as a catch phrase, to make themselves feel better, like, “Follow your dreams and you’ll always be happy.”
“Do what you’re passionate about”!
Right? And here’s the thing, I didn’t know this, but I knew at a young age I didn’t fit the mold. I knew that at a young age, I just knew people were different than me. I just knew things, and I still kept going. Even when I started to work, and I started to work when I was quite young, and I just wanted to lead, I just wanted to make decisions. I want to get out front, and I wanted people to follow me, right? I didn’t think I knew it like how I know it now, but I just knew I wanted to get out front. And come hell or high water, I worked with some companies who did not want me to leave, right? I worked with some leaders who was not interested in me leading, and I represented the people who wanted me to lead, but wanted to take all that credit. I wasn’t really concerned about a lot of that credit, but I knew what, what meant by that. But here’s what I found for me. And I’m curious about you and those who are listening. Following your dream is not as easy as it sounds. And I think that stands for most things. However, I would say it actually is downright hard. It’s downright difficult. And there’s a lot of things that people call that, being an entrepreneur, people, like make no mistake, anyone who’s followed their dream to climb a mountain, following their dream to be a world athlete, who wants to be a gold medalist. And you have these people- I can assure you, because I didn’t talk to all of them. But any of these people will tell you, the pain, the sweat, the equity that goes into following your dream is a lot.
So why the heck-
are we doing it? Why are we doing it?
Yeah, yeah. I agree. Well, I think it’s to experience a sense of fulfillment, but I think people misunderstand that fulfillment is the same as happiness. I’ll explain this a little bit. So, I agree. Like I think following my dreams has been actually, probably the biggest challenge I’ve had in my life. Like building this business up and maintaining it and keeping it going, trying to provide work to others, trying to make myself accessible as a coach. ‘Cause that’s the kind of coach I want to be, a coach for the people. I don’t need to be that coach that’s charging $5,000 a month for coaching. I offer the same coaching with more experience than most of those coaches, because most people can’t afford those prices. So I’ve got more hours in for sure. You know, like I try to make myself accessible. I know you do the same, too, Kyle, but I can tell you, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. For sure, right? For sure. People forget the aspects, it’s like, “I want to be a business owner because then I can set my own hours.” It makes me laugh, it’s like, “Yeah, you can work whichever 16 hours-a-day you want to work.” Like that’s entrepreneurship. Like…
Not only that, you know, like I said, you know, I was hesitant when I wanted to kind of join this company, only because, like I said, what I know was corporate, what I know was the safety of corporate what I know- it ain’t even- and I wasn’t even thinking about longevity in one company, in one job, I just knew I could go to the next company. I knew I could go to the next thing. You know, however, when you said to me, you know, back then, you’re gonna be in a situation where you’re not dependent on that manager, that other person, that senior-senior person who, after they’ve gotten everything out of you, then you’re done, right? And then it was just like- cause that was a constant thing, right, get him to come and fix it, get him to do that. And then once it was done, it’s like, okay, yeah, go back into that box, right? And so it actually really stifled my fulfillment, right, using that, that term that we just said, it stifled my fulfillment and it was a constant restarted. And I actually didn’t know how many more restarts I had in me, right? Until you actually said, “Why don’t you just restart one more time, but over here?” Right? And I said, “You know what? If my dream was truly to help and lead and inspire other people, then why not doing it?” And it hasn’t always been roses, but that’s the thing. I still don’t know why we still get up and do it, despite everything that gets thrown at you when you’re following your dreams. And here’s the other thing we haven’t even talked about, I didn’t even know we were gonna talk about it. When other people hear and see and witness that you were trying to live your dream, hello. The amount of people who become roadblocks or want to get in your way.
Yeah. Yeah. It’s interesting, I find too, like you look at it, I think that the people who do this, it’s actually a competition with self. Like I think that people sometimes perceive that, you know, you look at an Olympic athlete, or like a world famous piano player, or you know, or business owners. I think that people think that it’s about competition with others, and sometimes it is for some people. And I- you know, but I’ll say, I don’t think that’s really sustainable. I think actually one of the things that holds true amongst people who are following their dreams, is this continual drive to compete with themselves. Like it’s like, “I want to do better, I want to do better. I don’t care about doing better than you or the guy across the street or whatever.” Don’t get me wrong, there are moments where I see somebody who appears to have more success with less effort, perception only, but… But the competition is within myself.
You know, it’s interesting. I coached a YouTuber once, so she was a content creator for YouTube, that’s how she made her full-time living, her and her spouse, that’s how they made their full-time living. And so- and they make good money, like between 10 to $30,000 every month from their YouTube videos. And you think, “Oh, nice life,” like, you know, “Wish I could do that.” And you know, couple things, well, nothing’s stopping you,
Yeah. but people didn’t realize, like, the amount-
of motivation for her to come up with one 8 to 14 minute video-a-week, they had to do between 10 to 16 hours of filming to make it good enough to post up. And then you have to do editing, which usually takes one or two or three days. And then because of the level of editing, if you actually want good views and good advertisers, you have to do really good editing, add sound effects, not just music, but like, “Oh, let’s add a ‘ding’ here, a ‘bop’ there,” you know, whatever it is. And then, you also have to continually stay on top of YouTube policies, because they’re constantly changing them to make sure that they make more money than their content creators do. So- and there’s other issues that come up, like, ’cause their channel was for kids, and YouTube went and made a huge shift because of sex offenders and stuff like that on the internet. They made a huge shift about content creation for children. And so they spent a good chunk of their time reading policy, and working with legal mentors that could actually help them understand this so that they could still get paid. So it’s like, it’s like, “Oh, nice life.” And it’s like, I think some people get lucky, and you do see that in the world. They just hit a stride and it’s like, “Wow, they made a lot of money in a year, that’s amazing.” But I think most people, you’re just getting the watered-down version of it. Like you’re not actually seeing what’s happening in that person’s real life, it’s just a show.
Yeah, a glimpse. So then why-
‘Cause I think-
So, so yeah, so what is it-
Why do you-
do it? I know why I do it, but why do you do it?
Yeah, I mean- it’s almost like, what I remember a teacher once said is, you know, because a student, a former student came back, and spoke to the class, you know, thanked, you know, Father Kelly for what he has done. And, you know, and he turned after the person left, he turned to to us and he says, “That’s why I enjoy teaching, for those one-in-a-four-year period, that someone will come back and show gratitude.” And I think what he- I didn’t understood at the time, but I think what he meant by that is because of its impact, and he knows for sure the impact. So I think when I work with the clients I work with, and I learned through those moments as well, and that new learning is why I do it, right, in self-reflection, where I was like, “Wow, yeah, that was a new learning for me.” And second, when someone has said that, you know, I had a conversation yesterday with a former client that said, “You know, I want to come back, some stuff has changed and I want to kind of come back.” And the person said, “You know what? I even tried just to test if it was you, I even tried to go to another coach, and I couldn’t.” And so that was like, “Okay, there’s an impact.”
That’s because you’re manipulative, but-
He couldn’t go, guys, one podcast, couldn’t go without a dig. Anyway, but yeah.
Well, here’s the thing, for me, it’s actually there- I think there’s two things, is that I seek fulfillment in my life. I used to chase happiness, but I realized that happiness is kind of like a drug, and the more I chased it, the more unhappy I was. And I realized that I wasn’t gonna feel happy, maybe a lot in my life. And by letting go of that expectation, I actually became a happier person. I stopped chasing happiness. What I focused on instead was I wanted to feel fulfillment. And what I realized is, is that fulfillment doesn’t require happiness, happiness can be an ingredient in fulfillment. This one can be hard for people because they see fulfillment and happiness as being connected, and they can be, but they don’t have to be. I know when- I’ll give you an example of this. I had to put down a family pet, I had to put down a Canary, a singing Canary I had, oh girl- is this gonna be the second podcast in a row that I fuckin’ bawl? No, this isn’t gonna happen. I fuckin’ loved this little bird, oh my God. He would sing and sing and sing and sing, right? And just, you know, the funny thing is, do you know when he sang the most? When he heard RuPaul talking.
Yeah. For some reason he would hear RuPaul’s voice, you know, the famous drag queen, RuPaul, “RuPaul’s Drag Race”?
He would hear RuPaul’s voice talking, and then he would sing and sing and sing. And then others would talk, and he would tweet and whatever, and then RuPaul would talk, and he’d sing and sing and sing.
It was so cute.
So I had to put him down, and I wasn’t happy in that moment. But because I had already made this decision in my life, I chose to make it as fulfilling as I possibly could. The time I spent with him, the care, it was kind of, you know, it was kind of- I looked at it and it’s like, “Would I make different decisions, knowing what I know now?” I don’t know, but it’s like, I did everything, I gave that bird medication four times a day by hand, I learned how to give a Canary medication orally with a syringe, like, you know, by hand. Oh, and, and it was like, it was cute. He hated it, it was so traumatic for him, but, but it was necessary, you know, based off of, kind of the vet. And so, so I found fulfillment in being able to have that connection with my little bird.
And I found even in the process of his- of having to make the decision to let him go, even in that process, spending the time, and telling him I loved him, and that I would miss him. And, you know, for some people, pets are pets. For me, you know, pets are a meaningful part of my-
existence and yeah, it’s definitely an extension of my life. And so, you know, just loving him and caring for him in those moments, and holding him, and cradling him, and letting him do that last flight, and giving him a little bit of junk food and- you know, just ’cause, you know, that was gonna be his last day and you know, that kind of thing. And I made the experience extremely fulfilling. And then the meaning that came afterwards with, you know, some of the gestures and stuff like that. So it was a very, very fulfilling experience. And I think for me, it’s between that and having a purpose that I do believe that people can be more satisfied in their careers, and in their lives, through the work they do. And I think that’s why I do it because I’m not sure that I could experience it the same way somewhere else. Girl, you look like you’re about to bust. Girl, don’t go there. Girl, what’s happening for you right now?
I mean, this morning I- on my drive in, I was, I was- I had a memory of my grandmother. And- and so it’s interesting, previous podcasts we were talking about that. But I think when you were talking about fulfillment and you’re talking about this whole last piece of it, is just, you know, she was very content. She was very fulfilled in her life and it wasn’t easy. And I- it just reminded me of that, memory of the things that she did. You know what I mean? Like her dream was to provide for a family, you know, her family, because she was kicked out of her family. And so she had to provide for that family. And that was her dream. And it wasn’t easy, but she did it. You know what I mean? And so that was one of her things. And I think a lot of parents do this, where they, they’ll say, “I wear raggedy clothes, I wear this beat up shoe, so you can have better clothing.” And so I admire those people who do what is necessary to follow their dream, and so she did that. My mom did that, and so in that, in that memory, and then of course, it just triggered that memory of, you know, the last time I saw her, where I’m just like, “Let’s just do whatever, you’ve earned your right to live in this space,” so… Anyways.
I think following your dreams, it’s a, it’s a humbling experience. Like every Olympic athlete, like when they fail, they fail hard.
And then they get back up and do it again.
Only get back up, you know? And there’s an amazing gospel song about get back, I’m gonna get back in line, you know. He’s willing to get up, but for you to drag your ass back in the line, to say, “I’m gonna do this again.” And we see this with, you know, when I watch these shows and you see these ballerinas, or dance, and the things they do with- their feet is just mangled. And it’s like, “How do they even do that?” Like, if that’s not your dream, I don’t know what to tell you. There’s no way I’m convinced people are just doing that for money. And if they are, all the power to them. So what’s out there? Are there any stats or are there anything that just talks about- I don’t even know what you would search for, what you would even look at.
Well, I thought actually, I would kind of look at it because I think when people hear stuff like this, they think about their own dreams. And so I thought I would just do something really simple today. And, and basically, you know, the imperfect inspired action is to write your dreams down, write your goals down. There’s been more than one study done on this. It is likely that most people will not actually achieve their goals the way they planned. That doesn’t mean they’re not gonna achieve their goals, but it might not happen the way they plan. About 60% of people abandon their goals within six months.
Mm-hmm. And 25% of those- Actually, no, sorry, 25% of people abandon their goals within seven days.
So now there’s- one of the number one goals out there is weight loss, and so maybe that’s why, right? Weight loss almost always hits the top of the list. So here’s the thing, you can set a goal any time of year. They- the idea is that you write it down. So a psychology professor, Dr. Gail Matthews, she’s not the only one that’s done research on this, this is a fairly tight study, so I’d say that there, there are other studies out there, there’s a meta analysis out there. But for this one, Dr. Gail Matthews at Dominican University in California, she led a study on goal-setting, and it had about 270 participants. So 270 is not bad for a social research. Here’s the results: You are 42% more likely to achieve your goals if you write them down.
That’s why you gotta write them down. It forces you to get clear on what you want. So it’s not just like, “Lose weight”, get real specific. How much weight- I’m not so pressed about time. Some people are pressed about time and goals. I’m not as pressed about time and goals, because I think there’s so much that happens that’s out of our control for timelines. But actually getting into the super, super, super details around goals is critical. Like, what will you do? What actions will you take when you run into obstacles? What will those obstacles be that you’re anticipating? And how will you overcome those? What are your plans? So here’s what, what they say, writing down your goals, not only focuses- forces you to get clear on what exactly it is you want to accomplish, but doing so plays a part in motivating you to complete the tasks necessary for your success. The process of putting your goals on paper will force you to strategize tasks, questions about your current progress, and to brainstorm your plan of attack. This practice of writing down goals is not unheard of in the business community. In fact, some of the biggest entrepreneurial successes are very specific in the way they write down their goals. So there’s one called, “The 10X Rule,” and that kind of thing.
Yeah, I mean, I see that a lot, right, with different folks about that. And, you know, I want to talk after a little bit about something I do specifically every time around my birthday.
So it’s interesting because there’s this- the self-made millionaire, Grant Cardone, he actually writes his goals down twice a day, once in the morning and once again at night. So the interesting thing is that like, people hear tactics like that, and then they mimic them hoping that they’re gonna get the same result. And I think it’s not about mimicking what he does. It’s about finding what works for you.
It’s interesting, I remember in my 20s, I actually had my goals on a cue card, and I kept them in my back pocket, and I looked at them every day. And did you know that I achieved every- I laminated it…
And I kept them in my back pocket. Did you know that I achieved every single one of those? I achieved more goals- and I look at it now, we achieve a lot, there’s no question. But actually I think we experience more things now than we actually focus on achievement. Like it’s more about the experience and the journey now. But I actually did accomplish more when I had them written and put in my pocket.
Oh, hands down, you know, personally, or even professionally, we say, you know, if you literally don’t have a target, how do you know what to aim for, right? And if it’s top-of-mind- and here’s the other side of that too, is every year on my birthday, I journal a lot, but I specifically journal on that day. And, you know, before I write, I actually go back and I read what previous year was on that specific day, and it’s amazing. ‘Cause within that, I actually put goals there without even knowing I was putting goals. I said, so- because to me, that’s when my year starts, right, from June, right? So it’s interesting that even though some of the things I wrote, wasn’t technically top-of-mind, but the fact that I wrote it down, allowed my body, my mind, the energy around me, to know that it’s out there. That’s one way, right, you know, to be able to do that. So I would say, you know, from an imperfect inspired action, just to kind of kick that piece off of it, it would be, one, like Christopher said, write it down. At two, I often like to say to people, “Dream big and then focus small.” Sometimes we get so stuck in the “how” of the dream, “how” of those other things, right? But when you can dream big, then you can say, “Okay, now it’s out there.” You know, back to what Christopher said earlier, then it’s about what are some additional steps. That’s kind of the steps that goes with it. And the third thing I would say- and I’m curious, Christopher, what you have to add on that as well. But the third thing I would say, is go back and read it if you’re journaling, and if you’re writing it somewhere, go back and do it, and sometimes we do it ourselves. We also encourage some of our clients to have trigger sheets, to just have something that triggers them. So if you know, you go to the freezer, you’re gonna go to the fridge, you know, mirror, your washer, mirror, write it. So then that way you like, okay- it doesn’t have to be the full thing, but it’s a trigger for you to be like, “Right”. And so even when we had our personal, you know, goal around wealth, and what I wanted to accomplish, that’s written as a statement, a creed, and it’s there. So every time I go to my home office, it’s right there on the wall, right? So if it’s present, it’s top-of-mind, exactly what you said, Christopher, about having that cue card, because you’re looking at it, right? You’re seeing it and it’s like, “Oh right, yeah, okay.” Anything else you’d add to that, from a…?
No, I- like, it’s interesting. So we’ve talked about goals a lot, but I needed- myself, I needed to hear that, “Dream big and focus small,” piece again. The one thing I would add though, is that like, so I always draw the analogy to when I worked in projects, and in all projects, you always look at your risks, and then you look at how to mitigate those risks. And I think in our personal lives, we don’t look at the potential risks of what’s gonna get in the way of achieving our dream or our goal. And so we don’t spend- we actually don’t spend enough time actually looking at, “Here’s what I know is gonna get in my way,” or, “Here’s what I think might get in my way.” So actually doing some risk analysis or obstacle analysis, and then coming up with a plan, “If that happens, I’m gonna do this, if this happens, I’ll do that,” right? And actually the research shows this, is that when people do that, they are more likely to have success with their dreams and goals, so-
And even get started.
And then I would just reinforce that piece of revisit, revisit, revisit, revisit, like at least weekly analysis. “How did I do, what went well, where do I need to have a learning or an adjustment or a tweak?” It’s not about blowing the whole thing up and starting over. It’s about making an adjustment or a tweak, and then observing what happens. But I think if you can have the best-laid intentions, but it’s when- where the work is, is when the obstacles come up. Most people can do good goal planning, most, not all, right? But then it’s like, okay, but then what are you gonna do to get started and keep going when you run into obstacles? Because you will run into obstacles, there is no straight path.
There you are, folks, lots of chat about lots coming up next week, we are looking forward to seeing you. remember, think about your imperfect inspired action, let us know, write them down. Until next week, take care of yourself.
[Narrator] It’s our goal to build a global community of inspired action takers. And we can only do that with your help. So if you love Inspired Action, please leave a review on your favorite podcasting app, and share us on your socials. You’ve heard from us, now we want to hear from you. Go to inspiredactionpodcast.ca and tell us, what is the inspired action you took this week? Next week on “Inspired Action For Imperfect Humans”,
[Christopher] I’m an older millennial, right? And I look at this, and we were told that our generation was ungrateful, unloyal, uncommitted on this, on that, and on whatever. And I’ll tell you why. It’s not that we’re not loyal, that’s not what it is. It’s that loyalty needs to go both ways. And I think for a lot of things that it did, but we watched our parents work their asses off, and get let go, because they made too much money.